hmmm... a final "Womb with a View" post ...

So here it is. The day set up as the final day for my body to do this labor and delivery thing on its own. Inducement day. It is kinda weird knowing that tonight we will go to the hospital to start the process of eviction ... I mean effacement.

To catch you up:

Monday night we had 3 hours of contractions that got progressively more intense. They never got to the point where I could not talk through them, but I did have to breathe carefully through some of the final ones. We decided toward the end when my breating changed that we should get ready to go to the hospital. I went up to take a shower and Jim came up with his watch to continue tracking the timing. By the time I finished my shower the contractions were beginning to be less intense and eventually subsided. So we just went to bed figuring if they came back again it would wake me up and we could continue the process.

I only woke up the regular number of times to relieve the bladder (it will sure be nice to not have a little one leaning on my bladder anymore!)

Tuesday morning we went into the hospital for a scheduled ultrasound and non stress test. THis would normally have happened in our Dr. office, but it is Feb vacation week and many of the staff are on vacation there, so we had to go in to Boston. THe non stress test runs for 20 minutes during which time they look for the baby to move and for the heart rate to respond by jumping just after the movement. They want to see it happen 2 times in the 20 minutes. Our child decided to be an over achiever in this department and gave them the 2 jumps within the first 5 minutes of being hooked up - but we still had to be hooked up for the 20 minutes. no problem. The nurse who administered this test, Linda, was just helping out on that floor. She is normally on the Labor and Delivery floor and she was SO nice that it was reassuring of who we may encounter when we finally reach that floor.

Next was the ultrasound. The tech was also extremely nice and told us everything she was looking at. She asked as soon as she came in if we knew the sex of the baby. We said no, we are holding out. She laughed and said well then you won't hear it from me! She showed us the heart beating and measured the heartrate and said "perfect", then she showed us the bladder and laughed and told us the baby needed to pee, she measured the amniotic fluid and showed us where the pockets of fluid were and said we were actually doing really well with the fluid level - it is what they are really checking for at this stagfe as some women get low on fluid after their due date has passed but we were looking great. SHe showed us the baby's lungs and the practice breathing movements. And she told us the baby's head is down and in the right position. So at least we know that the baby is ready to go!

We took those reports to our Dr appointment yesterday. We had to see a new nurse practitioner this week as our dr. is on vacation. She was very nice (nothing like nurse cratchet aka dr death of our earlier nurse practitioner visits). She said that what is important now is that the baby is healthy and all of the tests look great... and that ultimately whether my body responds on its own or with help, we are having this baby this week so the end is near. She explained again the process of inducing and also that the possibility exists that my body may not respond tot he meds which could lead to a c-section. That is a really scarey possibility for me (which I am sure is shocking to many of you who remember that in the beginning of this preganancy I was more scared of the vaginal birth process.)

At any rate, Jim and I went to lunch after and talked a little bit about what the next few days may entail for us ... then we both went to work. Since I was feeling pretty anxious about the whole thing, it was a good distraction for me to be in the office and focussing on other things for a while. I have had an aweful cold this week and hadn't been into work since last Thursday, so I haven't had many distractions. Soon after I got there our interior decorator arrived with fabric samples for the furniture that will be ordered for our staff common room. THAT was a great distraction. The room is going to be beautiful and I was glad I got to be there for that process. I thought I would just be there for a few hours writing back to the 9th graders in their journals, but there were a bunch of other things that came up during the day and by 6:00 I hadn't even started on their journals. A really interesting thing happened though once I began reading their journal entries and writing back. It is one of my favorite things that I do because I get to hear where they are in their journey and the I get to reflect back to them on how I have dealt with these same questions in my journey and offer some words of encouragement and prayer for them. It helps me to grow in my faith too.

Well last week, the girls read a prayer that was written from God to them and they were asked to respond to that prayer in their journals. Because many of them commented on different parts of the prayer, I had to continuously re-read the prayer in it's entirety to be able to respond. Here is the prayer:

Wait until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me
alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone.

I love you, my child. But until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another as you desire to be until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and belongings.

I want you to stop planning and stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists - one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow me to bring it to you.

Just keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things that you want.
Just keep looking at me, or you will miss what I want to give you.

And then when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and the one I have for you is ready ... until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me ... and this is perfect love.

(Anonymous Prayer)

SO - I really felt like these journals were put off until the last minute so that in my anxiety I would hear over and over agian this particular section and be able to hear God speaking to me:

I want you to stop planning and stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists - one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow me to bring it to you.

Just keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things that you want.
Just keep looking at me, or you will miss what I want to give you.

I realized that I have no control over this process and that I have to let go and let God. My plans have only caused me anxiety. So that is my prayer for today as I await labor and delivery is that I can keep my eyes on God and expect great things ... and that I keep listening to the things He tells me ... and patience ... no anxiety ... no worry ...

So pretty amazing that after the most anxious day I have had in my preganancy, God would speak to me through a group of 9th grade girls who I was supposed to be ministering to. God is cool.