What I learned last night ... that I sort of already knew

I'm baaaaack!

Sorry for the long delay in posting ... I did come home from Vegas ... had a surprise b-day party for my husband at Gabe's ... had a Christian rock star stay at our house ... put on 2 whole community catechesis events we like to call faith festivals ... had another surprise b-day party for husband (he did turn 40 afterall) ... remembered my cousin Leanne on what would have been her 18th b-day ... celebrated Christmas eve with Jim's family ... then at my parent's house ... Christmas day at my cousin's house ... had a dinner with some wayland kids and returning college kids ... had a mexican fiesta new year's party ... ate tacos for 3 days after ... got a really bad cold which I am still recovering from ... had a catechist meeting that did not leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling (will get into more about that later) ... and now that you are completely up to date ...

Last night I went to a talk given by Dr. Michael Thompson (DMT), who wrote such books as "Raising Cain", "The Pressured Child: Helping your child find success in school and life", "Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping your child solve social problems", and many others too.

It was so great! He is a psychologist who has spent his life studying the development of children through to adulthood. He has spent many too many days shadowing kids through their typical days and writing books to help parents better understand what their kids are going through and how to best help them.

Why was it so great you may ask ... you don't have kids to worry about yet, so why was this interesting to you? Well, see I do worry about kids every day. I have 13 6th graders, 14 7th graders, and 25 8th graders who are relying on me to be their voice in helping people understand what they need from their faith community. That is a very big responsibility. And this brilliant man said things that I have been trying to say - but in brilliant words that got the parents" attention and apparent buy-in.

I know that you are on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what he said, but first a little catch up.

I am having difficulty with the Religious Education programming at my new parish. I don't think it is bad - i just think it is not hitting the kids with what they need. For instance the MS kids are social by nature ... it is just how they are built ... yet we have them in classes of 6 or 7 per room (8th grade has 10 in one class and 15 in the other), with 15 minutes at the end for a large group activity (which they LOVE). Then our HS youth, who are still social by nature, but more able to discuss things deeper, we have them in large group sort of lecture style experiences wher ethey have 15 minutes at the end for small group time.

I watch some of our more disconnected youth in HS during the large group lecture style things with their blank looks on their faces, some with cell phones in hand texting each other, and before Vegas I would get very discouraged. In Vegas, my attitude changed when I sat through a Sunday morning keynote (after a night of, shall we say, margaritas by the yard). This speaker could have been good - but what I saw was that she did not know her audience very well at all. She scolded us for not doing more service and justice with our young people and worse that that but I won't get into what things she blamed us for in this public forum. Well I was very turned off by her. I was mad that she did not know her audience better, and prepared for this audience better. I was on a high from the whole weekend and I was not about to let this woman bring me down by blaming me for things that I did not own blame for ... and so ... I spent the remaining 2/3 of the keynote with cell phone in hand texting my friend who was sitting 3 seats away from me and who felt the same way - that this was a waste of our time.

Ironic isn't it?

OK - so what DMT said that was briliant? Kids are doing the very best that they can at any given moment. In fact, we all are doing the very best we can at any given moment.

So when a kid is staring blankly at the speaker - or texting their friend 3 seats down - or paying full attention - it is the very best that they can do at that very given moment based on the factors that are in that person's life at that moment. Make sense? Sure it does. If it doesn't, you weren't paying attention - not your fault though, you were doing the very best at that very moment that you were reading my post, but you got distracted. I am not insulted, just go back and read it when you can focus better.

Just go back and read it when you can focus better ... ponder this with me. I am a 6th grader. It is my first year in MS, with the added stress of being low man on the totem pole and the increase in homework. You with me?
I spend Monday in school... go home, take my piano lesson, do homework, work on scince project, go to bed. Tuesday school, home, tutor, homework, practice piano, bed. Wednesday ...

Do you think that the 6th grader has much energy to give to another classroom style class on a Wednesday night?

Do you think that the 6th grader might benefit more from having class on Sunday night? And maybe in a different style ... more interactive ... not so "school" like?

Yes - you are with me.

One of my 6th grade catechists will be out of town for the next 2 Wed night classes. So, this past Sunday from 10am - noon, she held a make-up class to cover the materials. These kids were so GREAT! The learned a lot and worked on projects for 2 hours without a "break". We cannot get them to focus for 1 hour on a Wednesday night. The difference? I asked 2 6th grade boys as they were waiting for their rides which they preferred - 1 hour on Wed night or 2 hours sunday morning. They said - without even thinking about it - Sunday! We have too much homework on Wednesdays - It is so hard to get it all done before we come here.

Why do we toruture our young people?

Here are my other snippets of truth from DMT:
1. (to repeat) Kids are doing the very best that they can at any given moment in time.
2. kids' capacity to be useful is under used in school. (IOW, they sit an listen - but they can do more than that) kids want to feel like what they are doing is meaningful
3. 1/3 of kids think school is cool; 1/3 kids struggle with certain elements (like lunch cause they don't do the social scene, or PE cause they are not athletic, or whatever) but they get through it; 1/3 of kids drop out
(ratios a bit different in church ... but still applicable)
4. Many educators feel that the system is deeply flawed ... but it is the best that they've tried

I will in the coming days talk about these snippets in terms of how I relate them to my ministry ... I promise. Until then, if you ever get the chance to hear this man speak - DO IT. Maybe even drop a note to your PTA to think about bringing him in to speak to your school parents / teachers. He spoke at Middleton / Topsfield / Boxford Regional HS last night.

Peace out!